Daily Dooly

2011-09-23T09:05:00.020+08:00

I wish I had a long holiday, but neither my work nor financial allowed. I took a 12 hours journey to Redang Island. A pretty scary ride. I set off from Singapore at 10 pm and reached there around 10 am?

I have no idea if taking the bus ride in the night was a good choice. Well, we didn’t have much choice either as we needed to rushed for ferry that only has two intervals each day (morning and afternoon). I felt the bus moving at very high speed. If I am not wrong, the bus driver even fall asleep while driving, it adjusted back to the lane in a sudden turn of the steering wheel! We even got into an accident in the morning when we were reaching the jetty. The motorcyclist had quite a big patch of abrasion on his back and face. Luckily nothing serious.

With the experience of snorkeling, it suddenly reminds me of the reason why I do not wish to go for a diving certificate. Just imagine, snorkeling has already made me feel suffocating and pressurizing, how about diving 10m or so down into the sea. I will panic and my lungs would burst.

We were quite scared whenever we snorkeled near the corals/ rocks and to the darker and deeper part of the sea. We can’t see what was ahead. And I swear, the fishes are humongous .

All in all, it was good. Although this trip will be much better with a bigger group of people, but I still had a lot of fun snorkeling with my dear dear. We were holding hands while snorkeling. It felt like a whole new experience of “strolling in a park”.

I have no idea when will my next trip be as I am broke from my school. So let’s just pray that I accidentally pick up a $10,000 note!

2011-08-12T14:05:00.005+08:00

Thanks to my boss, I go to watch NDP Preview 2011. Too bad it is not the actual tickets, but I can’t ask for more. It’s already very nice of him to offer me those 2 tickets. I will make sure I am on time for my next year ballot.

The content of the parade was growing old, which there was particularly a scene when it just reminded me of my dad. I just hate life being such a cycle.

The entire show was really nice, other than having those green arses blocking my right view. But those helicopters and boats were all performing on the right, so damn those arses!

The airplane was totally cool. I love watching them fly. The bigger, the better (of course not the view of it crashing).

The fireworks were awesome! It’s beautiful. I like the design that looks like falling golden rain. Ironically, I thought they look like big golden umbrella too.

It will be great if the performance would to be brought back to the Kallang stadium again. The atmosphere and everything is a big difference.

The last time I had to perform for the NDP, it was great with the company of the crowd. How time flies. Just a blink of the eyes, it has been nine years.

Here’s some photos to share:)

(I have no idea who view my blog, but I'm guessing no one.. or nobody I know. So oh well.. CHEERS!)

2011-08-08T12:11:00.001+08:00

Competition just ended over the last 2 weekends. Good fight I would say, but ain’t good enough. Champion was the expectation, but the result was disappointing. Maybe it was the luck too, so when everything combines together, it just suck big time.

Frankly speaking, I wasn’t eager or proud to bring back the bronze at all. I saw all the coaches’ disappointed faces, which instantly cause the pinch and disappointment, like we had let them down. All those hard work that we had been putting in seems drained. Many times for the last few competitions that we had said to polish the bronze to gold, but we never did.

I thought my performance was rather bad. I never listened and change. All those negativities that I always tell myself to change, but I never did. Maybe for a moment, but a day or later I will just go back to my old self. I really need to change and be a better man.

I didn’t take any photos, but oh well… nothing nice to remember about as it ain’t a gold day.

2011-07-19T09:33:00.001+08:00

My last entry feels like a billion years ago. Just within 3 months, so many events and things had taken place.

He has left on 5th May 2011. Exactly one month after his 55th years of birth. I was there by his death bed. Helplessly watched him gasping for his last breath. I felt and am still feeling the pinched within my heart.

I thought, this is it, our fate has ended. What I had feared for the past two years has happened. He has gone for the better, but leaving us fatherless. It was a regret that I only get to know him better when he was ill.

I got to see him last week. He looked dashing again. I gave him a hug and told him that I missed him. It was amazing of how I could remember that he is no longer alive when I was in my dream.

I woke up gradually, feeling him vanishing in my arms. I missed him more.

2011-04-18T10:18:00.005+08:00

It was team dinner on Saturday at Hotel Miramar. Just don't ever go there for meals. It doesn't worth your money.

Don't really feel like blogging. So I shall just let the pictures talk?

2011-04-08T15:21:00.011+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

It was an unexpected day. In many ways I would say.

My relationship with tong during my secondary school days, she will never fail to make me feel like a princess during 7th April. Party plans and celebration plans always make me smile. However, I stop being a princess every of that day after that relationship.

After which when I enter poly, I barely celebrate (No party, but I would say it met my minimum require for a birthday, a creamy cake). I love limelight during 7th April, which brings me to envy those who have their friends to celebrate with. I see laughter, fun and etc.

From secondary till now, I've grown in many ways. My thought for birthday is different now. I don't need limelight. Birthday is not only the countdown of years to one's death, but also to show appreciation for one's presence.

Hence, I would like to thank Dear Dear, for making me a princess everyday. I know you have done a lot just to put on that smile on my face. Just you know, you are my smile. So to have you in my life, my smile don't just hang on my face, but deep down in my heart too.

Just when I decided to abandon myself, you picked me up. I want you to know. You're the most precious gift to me, the gift for my birth.

Thank you for the surprise that you have planned for me.

Last but not least, I thank those who appeared in my room with those long and round ballons. I apologies for that dead face shown upon the surprise. I was quite tired at that moment, and didn't know how to react.

It has been long since my birthday was celebrated in this manner. However, it was rather not so similar, as I had my family with me. For the first time, I felt like I was appreciated. I wasn't born for the sake of being born.

Once again, I would like to thank everyone for your well wishes.
And also a special thanks to dear dear & my house's pig, for coordinating and letting me feel this appreciation for once in my 23th years of life.

I shall let pictures do the talking.

2011-04-05T10:50:00.014+08:00

It has been long since I last updated my blog. I haven't been doing so good as I am about to lose someone I love which I don't think I am ready to accept the fact yet. I just can't imagine my life without him.

He maybe busy during the time of my growing up. But I know that he has done a great job on playing his role.

Its his birthday today. It maybe his last one.

I ever came across MM Lee Kuan Yew's quote during his birthday. He said, birthday is not about celebrate one's birth, but to count down to the day of his/her death.

I think it perfectly makes sense. Another perspective of "birthday" which I pretty much like it.

The past three weekends were help in distressing and forgetting my trouble. The polo and people that I hang out with, makes me put all my troubles aside. The following are the photos I have taken on the last day of Singapore Polytechnic Canoe Polo Open Championship.

Espada came in third. I am certain that we will polish our bronze to gold. Good show will be in 3 months time. Please stay tune.

2011-01-17T13:33:00.004+08:00

I am burnt and drained over this weekend. First was the Saturday meeting with boss, then late lunch with dear dear. Wasn't much to do during Saturday.

I was suppose to go support my dearests for the competition. So I did on Sunday.
It was sunny, exciting and chiampionish. They did it and I am so proud of them. I shall let the pictures do the talking.

2011-01-06T11:20:00.002+08:00

I do have some photos of how I spent my New Year.(SD card not with me at the moment) Not very interesting, but contented.

It was just about going out for lunch with my precious one, movie with three Hung brothers and dear followed by a supper with an additional party, Evan Kong, the meat ball.

We missed the firework as we were all still in the theatre:(

I drove the night. Quite scary, cause I think I am still a total idiot when comes to road.

Its really heartache when comes to top up of fuel. I think i rather take bus now.

2010-12-27T10:15:00.007+08:00

It's Christmas! I had the most awesome weekend ever! A Christmas eve working day (okay this sucks), follow by a Christmas eve Celebration, then a Christmas eve dinner at Emerald Lodge. An ant bite on my eyeball for thrice... Christmas shopping and movie, making Joanne's favourite, chocolate ball and last but not least, a chalet at Aloha Loyang with Dear Dear's family.

My Present from DEAR DEAR!

I love these!

The surprise!

The Heart Shape Choco Ball!

Thank you dear dear!:))

Celebration At Joanne's House!

I didn't expect the crowd

Dinner At Emerald Lodge..

How I knocked the row pf Pringles over..

I thought this was very funny, haha!

The choco balls we made for the chalet!

2010-12-21T19:22:00.001+08:00

After spending Thousand plus bucks....
LOOK!!!

I've got it! But now I need my own car...

2010-12-17T11:14:00.007+08:00

Christmas is coming. I've already bought myself a christmas present. However, I'm feeling kind of greedy recently. Guess what?

TA DA!!!!!!!~~~

I LOVE THESE COLOURS!!!

Back in secondary school, or rather I still always love looking at those art brushes in art friends. They are soft, pretty and cool. I always wish that I can have a whole set of those brushes(that comes in different size and shape). Even those acrylic paints. I remember how I always get fascinated by those colours. I got some of them. I will buy all the big tube of primary colours.

Those secondary school's paints and brushes were for my canvas, now I want to have these!!!

SHOULD I BUY??? SHOULD I BUY????? :))

Ps - check this out! magicaltannsu.blogspot.com --- they have got very cheap and good brush sets, as well as those gorgeous makeup that comes in palette!

2010-12-14T10:00:00.003+08:00

Here are some of the photos shot by my new baby. Its quite lousy quality, because I set it manually. Guess I need more practice.

2010-12-10T14:42:00.004+08:00

Look what I found myself for christmas present! A Fujifilm Finepix s2800HD!! I know its not any DSLR camera, but I don't need the good ones, because I know nuts about them. Just going to have fun with it..

I can't wait to fetch my baby home tonight!

I hesitated for bloody long before I made the decision to buy it. It feels painful to take my money out from the bank. It take a thousand year to save, but a day to spend. Why can't it be the other way round?

2010-11-26T14:25:00.004+08:00

I was helping my boss doing some research thing on Marina Bay Sands. I haven't got the chance to go yet.

I think its really gorgeous up at the skypark. They have got this restaurant/bar, "Ku De Ta", however the price of the food is costly. Anyway here are some pictures of the skypark.

2010-11-22T16:55:00.002+08:00

My initial plan for my room and phone have been screwed. I can't get my phone as my contract has not yet pass 21 months. I can't get my furnitures as I realised that my room is too small unless my wardrobe is shift, but it can't unless I get a shorter one.

I barely have the chance to surf web today. But I read up on Ice Age. Not the cartoon version, I meant the real one. I dreamt of ice age the other day. I was terrified. Imagine me complaining cold when I'm in the office, what's more about putting me into the temperature of the ice age? I'll be the first to get freeze to death.

I watched "the day after tomorrow". Its quite an interesting show, about the earth experiencing Ice age again. I guess it would be a total disaster if the major one comes. Notice I said "major"? Well, I read. It says that part of the world at times experience Ice Age but the minor one.

I can imagine, one disaster follow by the other one and it continues.

First comes the earthquake, follow by volcano eruptions, which cause the slow down of the belt flow of the current in the oceans (which leads to ice age), and lastly tsunami.

Or it can be affected directly from the greenhouse effect that cause the north and south pole's ice berg to melt and thereby slowing down the belt flow of the current in the oceans.

The earth is frail. Start saving it, you will be saving youself too.

2010-11-21T22:45:00.006+08:00

Espada's trip to JB!

2010-11-19T14:46:00.007+08:00

After lunch! Research of "metabolism rate" is over. Take a look at what I'm looking at after lunch:))

HEELS!

I love heels! But I don't really like to wear them. They might seems to be pretty and sexy, however they bite. Of course there are heels that are friendly. I have this pair of sharp pointed heels which I simply love and they seems to be the only one that doesn't bite. But it is spoilt:(

I need a pair of new covered heels, so I guess I will be getting it over this weekend.

This is the pair that I am eyeing for!

I think the others look rather gorgeous. Don't they?

Anyways, tomorrow is a JB outing together with my girls. It will be fun.

2010-11-19T10:15:00.002+08:00

I've been putting on weight ever since I work at NOL. Its probably because I only run once in a week.
I think from next week onwards, I'm going to increase the number to three, and each three for thirty minutes. This is what I have done just a few minutes ago. My research.

The Seven Things To Do To Increase Your Metabolism Rate!

Build Muscle Mass Strength training builds lean muscle tissue, which burns more calories at work or at rest, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The more lean muscle you have, the faster your metabolism will be. How do you start strength training? Try some push-ups, or a few squats or lunges. Use 5 lb. free weights to perform simple biceps curls or triceps pulls. Do these exercises three to four times per week, and you'll soon see a boost in your metabolism as well as an improvement in your physique.

I can't do push up anymore. My wrists would give way and I probably have my face land flat on the ground.

Do Not Skip Meals or Drastically Reduce Your Caloric Intake If your body senses that food is in short supply, it will slow your metabolism to conserve energy. Over time, the result is that when you do eat (even if you consume the same foods as always) your body will be slower to use the calories as fuel, thus creating a backlog of unwanted pounds. A good strategy is to cut your caloric intake by no more than 500 calories per day and never less than 1200 calories total each day. Once you determine your goal for calorie consumption, divide those calories into 6 different small meals/snacks through out the day.

The feeling of eating, stomach expanding when I feed my stomach makes me feel fat!

Increase the Amount of Protein in your Diet Most researchers agree that protein helps to stabilize the secretion of insulin into your blood stream, a process that can affect metabolism. The average person would benefit from protein intake at a minimum of 70 grams or higher each day.

Aerobic Workout 3 Days a Week Even though exercise doesn't affect your RMR, the extra calories you burn could add up to an additional 1-2 pounds of weight loss per month.

YES!!!! I'M GOING TO DO IT!!

Increase Movement in Daily Lifestyle The more you move, the more you burn! You can actually make a significant addition to the number of calories you burn each day by relatively minor changes in lifestyle. This can be as simple as taking the stairs instead of the elevator; park a distance from the mall or office; window-shop with your best friend rather than sit over coffee; walk the dog instead of just let him out; do a little gardening or clean house while you talk on the phone. Making these types of changes for just 20 minutes of your day will cause you to burn an additional 100 calories per day or an additional pound per month. Making more of these changes can help you burn as much as an additional 1,000 calories per day!

Go For an Evening Walk Although exercising any time is good for you, evening activity may be particularly beneficial. Many people's metabolism slows down toward the end of the day. Thirty minutes of aerobic activity before dinner increases your metabolic rate and may keep it elevated for another two or three hours. What that means for you: those dinner calories have less of a chance to take up permanent residence on your hips!

If I have a garden to my residence, I would love do so.

Get Adequate Sleep As funny as it sounds, sleep deprivation may make you fat and not just because you're susceptible to cases of the late-night munchies. According to researchers at the University of Chicago, women who got less than four hours of sleep per night had a slower metabolism than those who slept for a full eight hours.

I always feel that sleeping is a waste of time, unless he is sleeping next to me, that will be more meaningful.

Alright. Let's see if there will be any result in month's time.

2010-11-18T13:51:00.005+08:00

For the past few months, I've been considering about changing my furnitures. The bed that I'm sleeping in now is the most annoying bed ever. Its so cramp, I'm never able to lift up my head nor sit up straight. Or maybe should I say that having to share a room with someone is the cause to what I am experiencing.

One year ago, my dad bought this metal double deck bed, which gives me first impression that the bed frame belongs to a refugee camp. I used to think that sleeping on a double deck bed is so fun, but I loathe it now.

My room is so cramp. Just imagine. I have a wardrobe, which I personally feel that it is too small for the used of two, a double deck bed, two shelves, a dressing table, a tall computer desk and a writing desk. GOD!!! Why on earth did I even had the idea of getting two desks? Why didn't someone slapped my head when I suggested that.

To change all these require money. Hence it's going to take me a few months to change them all. I've done some research. I've picked the loft bed from IKEA, a book shelve to replace the two old ones and have it placed under the loft. Of course I am not going to sleep on that deck, my sister will be:)) Under the loft bed, will be my bed together with the shelve, a platform bed. At least I will be emptying some space.

Wardrobe is the trouble. I mean it is not easy to find the ideal organised wardrobe that you always desire. I've searched and found some that I really adore, but my room and my notes are just ain't big enough for these.

I mean, don't they look gorgeous to you?

My plan goes this way. If I get my liscnese for my drving, I'll get the iphone first, but if I'm not going to make it then I'll get the bed and shelve. How does that sounds?
My Ans: my pocket is going to get burnt.

2010-11-16T16:09:00.003+08:00

Surprise! A blog make-over. I've decided, I am going to blog something else instead of always talking about my life. I mean yes, I am still going to talk about my life, but probably the other side. Previous post was mostly my thoughts, barely touch on my dos.
I come to realise that actually I don't remember 50% of my life. As in things that I've done. Don't you just ever want to treasure those precious and happy moment of what you have done that marks your day? I would love to do that, but my brain ain't doing a good job.
So I guess this would help:)

2010-11-03T16:39:00.005+08:00

I think I had a rather wonderful weekend. My family and I had a chalet at Aloha Loyang. It's always fun to hang out with my mother's family. They are fun, easy going and what is most importantly is that they are straight forward. They voice out anything. It's like talking to friends, using vulgarities, sharing jokes, gambling.
Me and dear decided to cycle all the way from Tampanies to Pasir Ris. I love cyclying, I just seems to feel the fun even though all I do is to paddle with my feet.

While enjoying my fun with my family over the weekend, the dude at downtown east who got hacked was suffering. Everyone said that he was a nice and decent chap. Yet that's the way his life ended. I'm not sure to say if he was unlucky. I mean think about it, it was afterall just a glance/look at those guys with tattoos. Come on, I honestly feel that there is nothing wrong about it. I look at tattoo men too. Not that I see them as a gangster, but I'll trying to figure what art that person appreciates. I mean tattoo is an art, art on human skin instead of paper. I know many people think its cool, its brave to tattoo. It is a form of art.. otherwise memory?

Those people who hacked are pshyco. I mean who on earth walk around with choppers and sticks? If it is a walking stick when your legs are frail, then its fine. But sticks to whack people? They were already prepared to hurt someone isn't it? What is the worst, people there thought that it was a Halloween prank. By the time people realised the reality, the poor dude has already collapsed on the floor. But i think, even if it wasn't halloween, no one would care to help either. Thats how I spell SINGAPOREAN, "KIASI". I mean the public obviously think about their own safety first. What would you do when you are one of the crowd, watching this scene? I'll probably stun for a moment and scream the next moment, panicking like lost ants.

If this is how a life would end to a young 19 years old boy.. What about you? me? Will I still be sitting at the dining table eating dinner with my family tomorrow? So what if tomorrow is over? what's next? Hahaha! Another topic of existentialism?

2010-10-29T09:33:00.003+08:00

Its been long since I last updated my bloggie.. I read through all the entries appeared on the first archive and come to realised how emotional I was. To be frank, I'm still is, but just not as much I guess. I'm probably numb to all those things going on in my life, people around me. As a matter of fact, they doesn't seems to hurt anymore. Like how those new shoes you have just bought, the pain it will bring you, giving you scar and bubbles on your feet, but at the end of the day, it will just magically get season. I would call that adaptation. I'm still adapting, more to come in 2 years time.

My life hasn't gotten any better, in the way like the things I'm doing. I'm a secretary now instead of a designer. It is not as in I hate doing design, I like doing it, you have no idea how much I missed it, but probably it is the stress that I can't managed. I still draw when the blue moon appears or when I am free during my office hours. I have never ever wish to be a secretary in my whole life. I want to do something big, something I will feel proud of myself, something that I will look forward to do. Right now, I always wishing that my life will just get stuck during the weekend. Its painful to be Monday.

2010-07-02T21:13:00.003+08:00

I hate questions about my life...
i find it annoying, stressful and most of all... it gives me fear..
Im no longer what im used to be..
doing just a simple task...
i'll ask myself if i really know..
i hate setback..
no one like setback.. like duh~
but i have no confident to recover from any setback..
to even think about it..
my legs turn wobby...
what has got into me???

2010-05-04T01:41:00.001+08:00

maybe one...

2010-04-22T01:34:00.002+08:00

the end of that story was only the two...

two without much choice..

so just shhhh...

just nothing, alright??

2010-03-31T00:52:00.002+08:00

i think i am angry...
but i think i am not bothered by my anger..
if i dun bother..
then why do i feel like posting??
maybe afterall i do care..
but i am lazy to even react to it..

"it is not as in i cant feel it...
its there..
stop hiding will you??
i think i know the reason..
but i prefer it coming from you..
i mean...
whatever..
i've lost so much...
one more of you
doesn't make any difference..
you are just another one of them"

or am i just paranoid...

2010-03-10T23:12:00.002+08:00

i just some video..
and i'm very angry!!!!
why are there stupid people ard??
why being do such cruel things to being???
aren't they like a family...
why kill each other????
_|_

2010-03-09T00:10:00.002+08:00

Albert Camus once searched the answer to existentialism.
However, I guess it leads to an absurdism.
I was on my way home...
Different thoughts were running through my mind...

I live up to almost 22 yrs...
Have I done what I’ve always wanted to do?
And so what even if I’d done so...
Is it for me??? Or is it for the others???
Why do people do things but in the end lose all of it??

I don’t think I’m doing it for myself…
But what can I do for myself??

It’s hard to think about existentialism when mortality makes it absurd…

I was passing by town…
Thinking that it has changed a lot from comparing those images I have in mind 3 to 4 yrs ago…

I used to compose myself many years later…
Well I guess…
It’s just all fiction…

Everyday seems like a dream…
Not that they feel like fairy tales…
But those dream that I can’t recall when I wake up from one another,
Those kind of dreams when they have a big twist of the entire content.

One moment I was…
And the very next moment…
I’m no longer…

Well at least I have him…
And maybe my dad to make these twist a little bit better…

2010-03-02T18:45:00.001+08:00

Someones Watching Over Me

=] | MySpace Video

2010-03-02T17:02:00.002+08:00

my tree ain't getting stronger...
its falling sick..

the lines remain within my composition..
what is done, cannot be undone...

i hate these facts...

2010-02-08T01:01:00.002+08:00

i know i'm not suppose to be here doing this right now..
but i really can't take it anymore...
i need to blurt something out...
these words are going round and round in my brain..
wad happened on me is enough..
he don't need to go through what i had..
i know how hard it is..
knowing that minding something..
and i said it as i don't..
do you know how exactly it feels to lie to yourself????
it feels million times more terrible than telling a lie to anyone else..
my heart ache everytime i think of how he is lying to himself...
literally...
i dun want him to go through what i did...
pls..
pls..
pls..
pls..
a zillion pls..
stop doing this to him...

2010-01-14T23:29:00.001+08:00

A school bus drove pass me...
how i wish i was one of the passenger...

2010-01-10T02:05:00.003+08:00

"buddy" that i no longer talk to..
"friends" that i no longer talk to..
"aquaintance" that i no longer talk to..

they took a subway passing by my station..
and it all feels like those i'd met on the street for just once in my life..

2010-01-08T15:18:00.001+08:00

i think people with big head is stupid..
oh..
and disgusting...

2010-01-06T03:10:00.002+08:00

I've been crying to sleep..
worrying and wishing that maybe someone above..
be it if it is jesus, mother mary, guan ying pu sa or dua pe gong,
will take pity on this OLD girl tt she needs to graduate and start contributing some money to this household... *grant me this wish*

sometimes i wish to have dear dear's 10% of brain juice...
okay maybe 5% will do.. i am not greedy...
and be like him,
to remain calm even when stress is around...

i seriously dunnoe how to handle stress..
and..
all i know and think of is that,
crying makes me feel better...
all the more i hold my tears back...
then the more i feel stress
and i will feel like as if a nuclear war is happening in my head,
ants running all over my heart...

I never know how to proceed till someone tells me what to do..
i love spoon feeding..
sometimes...
i wonder...
what am i good for???
crying???
who dun know tt???
or is it tt i've yet to find my real talent..
*sigh*
apparently..
i think i'm always stupid...

"oh well..
its time to face reality...
stop being a cry baby
and handle stress like an adult...
since now you know daddy is going under chemo...
and it cost like ten thousands of nuclear bomb..
you need to graduate and contribute something to the family...
YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!YOU NEED TO GRADUATE!
and
YOU MUST GRAdUATE!!YOU MUST GRAdUATE!!YOU MUST GRAdUATE!!YOU MUST GRAdUATE!!
YOU MUST GRAdUATE!!YOU MUST GRAdUATE!!YOU MUST GRAdUATE!!YOU MUST GRAdUATE!!
YOU MUST GRAdUATE!!YOU MUST GRAdUATE!!YOU MUST GRAdUATE!!YOU MUST GRAdUATE!!
YOU MUST GRAdUATE!!YOU MUST GRAdUATE!!YOU MUST GRAdUATE!!YOU MUST GRAdUATE!!
YOU MUST GRAdUATE!!YOU MUST GRAdUATE!!YOU MUST GRAdUATE!!YOU MUST GRAdUATE!!
YOU MUST GRAdUATE!!YOU MUST GRAdUATE!!YOU MUST GRAdUATE!!YOU MUST GRAdUATE!!
YOU MUST GRAdUATE!!YOU MUST GRAdUATE!!YOU MUST GRAdUATE!!YOU MUST GRAdUATE!!
YOU MUST GRAdUATE!!YOU MUST GRAdUATE!!YOU MUST GRAdUATE!!

p.s i want my daddy to watch my wedding...
i want them in every part of my life...

2010-01-02T23:49:00.001+08:00

watch a movie..
I'm going to make myself smile..
no more tears...

2010-01-02T23:12:00.000+08:00

dun you dare to turn and look..
its okay..
its just ahead..

2010-01-02T17:32:00.002+08:00

i remember the days when we used to sit together...
talking non stop..
and how you used to laugh at all my lame jokes...
and tell me this, "pat, you're so funny la"
i like it when you are with me..
Liane...
i miss you so much...

you always talk so much..
so much tt no one can ever stop you..
your whining..
your laughter..
sam...
i miss your chattering..
but i miss you even more..

to think back..
i think i dunnoe anything much about you.
but i remember how i will complain to you about tong..
and you always stand by my side and support me...
telling me tt she is behaving like an ass..
rachel..
although now, there is nothing tt i can complain to you..
but i miss you hell alot...

we used to meet up at 6.15 at my void deck almost everyday..
taking bus 131 to school..
and make sure that we will reach school by 6.40 to eat breakfast..
you will always buy vegeterian porriage (because tts the only thing you can eat:))
some weekends.. we will even go over to each other's house to make either pizza or watch dvds..
Jane..
i had so much fun with you...
i miss you...

2009-12-21T22:36:00.002+08:00

Its terrifying to know how is it like...
I want an "if only" spell..
if anyone happens to know it...
pls teach me...

anyway christmas is coming..
has squeezing brain juice to think of where to celebrate..
hopefully it won't be bad..
can't wait:D

dear dear, are you excited?
okay he will not reply.. cause he dun read..
bye!

2009-12-17T00:20:00.001+08:00

i just wanna set myself in the nothing box
and think about nothing right now..
i'm so tired..
of everything..

2009-12-14T14:51:00.003+08:00

its is the start of another week,
which also means tt it is a beginning of the holiday week..
which also also means tt.. it is a beginning of "working on project hols"..
i just dunnoe how to motivate myself to do this during the holidays.
i mean... holidays are meant to be relax, fun and stressless..
but this time round.. i need to take these all away and think about the shittiest thing.

I want these 8 weeks to be over real soon...

2009-12-06T23:08:00.002+08:00

life has been miserable ever since i return from taiwan..

Anyway...
taiwan was great...
i will never mind going again..
we came in second.. :D
which i think..
i am so proud of my team:D
i heaven't been seeing them for a week or so..
i miss them so much already..

they just have 2 new little one joining them..
and i might be leaving them soon (if i manage to grad)
hopefully i won't be forgotten..

for the pass one week..
i have been pia-ing my project..
1st thing tt i did when i wake up..
was to sit in front of the bloody laptop and start cadding..
it was more than a piece of shit..
and now..
i am waiting for this presentation..
to determine if i will be able to grad..
hopefully its a yes..
i seriously dun wan another yr of hell..
i have enough..

i forget to bring keys yesterday..
so i have to sit outside my door till my dad goes to work..
i scroll through my phone's phone list..
and i realise that..
actually.. i dun have any frens tt i can chat on the phone with anymore..
i called tong..
but she was working..
sigh...
maybe i have brought it upon myself..
which makes me feel that..
......
i shall not say..
life is just pathetic..
isn't it?
well.. i think mine is...

2009-11-24T23:24:00.002+08:00

i still has got 2 and half week to finish up my shittiest work..
and i can totally feel so dead..

Other then dear dear, my motivation to do my work is to polo..
now that it has been taken away..
i feel so naked..
its tt kind of feeling when i had it a few years back..
its crap shit.. (i'll about polo during lesson and when doing project)

maybe we weren't treasuring it..
now tt it has been taken away..
we all then know how much it mean to us..
the pain when we dun get to polo..

2009-11-08T10:29:00.003+08:00

I'm done with my work..
yea!!!! and tml will be another hell day..
CRIT KILLS...

2009-11-05T11:04:00.003+08:00

some say it is written.
if it is so..
i hate the way it is..

After reading jo's blog..
i then realise...
i have no more such friend that she is talking about..
and..
i think now dear dear is doing my "friend's" job..
which is...

ok.. i'm busy..
bye...

2009-10-13T00:17:00.003+08:00

Its scary how the world is going to end..
Is it really going to end at 2012??

i killed all my brain cells to think why...
why me????
but i can never ever ever understand...

2009-10-02T00:11:00.002+08:00

FYP is out..
Kinda stress just by seeing what shit i will be doing till i grad..

I totally cannot imagine myself working..
i would love a job that work under no stress..
Dear dear... will you hire me?? :D hahahaha!
okay... bet you are not reading..
cause you never ever read my blog...
maybe when the moon turns blue..
WHATEVER..

training is like on almost everyday...
and i'm so scared of training now..
i probably need to rest from it..
so that i will feel excited over it again..
maybe 2 more months later.. and i will do that..

but,
the funny thing is..
you see..
after taiwan competition,
then will come sprint competition.
after tt, open champs will come again..
when its done.. den some other funny competition will come again..
then training seems like it can never stop..
gosh...

2009-09-22T23:40:00.006+08:00

Another Pat Tor day at East Coast Park!

2009-09-20T02:19:00.001+08:00

i call this gorgeous and sexy!!!!!

2009-09-17T01:20:00.004+08:00

we did it! Espada did it... just the five of us did it... though it wasn't a perfect ending... but i'm proud that just the five of us have make it to the final.
if this yr isn't perfect, you girls have one more chance to make it more happening..
though i won't be able to join you girls for ivp, but i will still be ard for opens category..

not forgetting the 3 dearest people who has make who Espada is today...
thank you coaches...
yi hou de re zi hai yao zai xing ku ni men..
ba wo men zhe xie cun cai bian chen tian cai..

we are far from perfect..
let do a better job for open..
shall we?

my dad and frens often ask me..
"when are you going to stop all this?"
i will always reply them when i graduate..
but the fact is..
i can't bear apart with my team..
and this piece of shit that i'm doing..

2009-09-04T15:16:00.001+08:00

ta dah!!!!
the hard work since 7am...
I'm so sleepy now..

i am so going to turn in early today..
get myself prepare for another battle..

2009-09-04T00:11:00.003+08:00

I am going to make yam paste tomorrow~!
for my daddy and gao's mummy..
they loves yam paste..
so does the both of us!!
yummy yummy!!!

its going to be another weekend..
my knees and elbow has got bruise..

i always wonder the kind of mood i will be in on monday..
cause things that are going to happen matter alot..

i want to think win win...
we must all think tt way..
okay espada???

One last thing..
i miss toh yanli..
hello.. can we meet soon..
and have a threesome date,
me you and joanne.. :D

2009-08-25T21:16:00.001+08:00

i miss this fellow... and i am going to see him tml, bring him back to my house and cuddle him to bed...
my big fat teddy bear!

2009-08-24T17:58:00.001+08:00

Ivp and National Championship countdown:

6 more day!

2009-08-22T23:47:00.003+08:00

You will not be able to believe it..
that it was totally crazy...
though i think my work suck..
but still i did try to do my best..
and i almost give..
thanks to dear dear's encouragement and reminder that only have just one more day to everything is over
so i save my model from the rain and do it with my other classmates (it feels wierd when they next to me when i'm doing my work.. cause im not close to any of them)
because of this project, i walked in the dark school stair in the middle of the night.. and finds tools in the dark... not knowing what maybe next to me..
it kind of scary to work in the quiet tunnel myself.
i din realise school has got such scary place though..
anyway...
project is over..
competition is coming!
i'm so excited..
I keep telling myself that we are the champion...
champion..
yess...
shall we just aim to be the champion?

2009-08-17T19:54:00.004+08:00

i hava got something to clarify..
WOULD PEOPLE STOP THINKING THAT GAO NEVER GO FOR TRAINING MEANS HE IS ACCOMPANYING ME!
I FUCKING HELL DARE TO SAY THAT WE NEVER EVER DID THAT ONCE!

2009-08-10T14:17:00.002+08:00

till then,
i seriously don't see a need of carrying on..
i'm holding on, because i thought it will be selfish to let it go..
and i seriously don't know what is next..
it starts to topple slowly..
a whole big chunk..
then one by one..
I was naive to believe that it was easy..
but it never was..

its ok..
just being at one corner..
at least thats my world,
a small world of that corner tt i own..

the air supply ain't for two..
i'm sorry..

2009-08-05T21:25:00.002+08:00

Have you thought of theory of life? Well i think, it suck.. Because it unpredictable.. That doesn't make it sound exciting..

2009-08-01T21:01:00.002+08:00

DO you have any idea how important it is right now??

Every monday i need to hand in 5 bucks to the bloody treasurer...
and every of this five bucks could make my life damn hell miserable...
I'm broke enough just by having to think about the amount of money i'm left with to eat..
and the only thing i spend on is FOOD..
I DON"T SHOP!!!!

490 bucks for air ticket..
another 1000 bucks for the rest of the trip over to taiwan...
oh my god..
can i like rob the bank..

so annoying!!!!!

1 more freaking month for espada to show everything that we have..
its a little stress..
a little bit of this and that..
but whatever it is...
we will show what we've got...

(i can't function well under stress)---- omg!!!!!
i pray that my hand will listen to me throughout the comp...

2009-07-27T13:47:00.002+08:00

i don't know why am i doing this when there is a submission going on to tomorrow..
but whatever it is..
i watched The Leap Years... again!!!!!
i think it is an awesome show..
though its little naggy.. and some part of setting is bullshit..
but its really awesome!!!!

Wind.. brings her anxious, waiting, love and lost..
but it all pay through her patience..

i almost cry in my class..
its so so so so so so nice!!!!

2009-07-27T00:56:00.003+08:00

I just feel so lucky that it was you...
you accepted everything..
its because you love me..
and the thing about you loving me..
makes me love you too..
in YOUr way...
and that the way you love me is going to make me stay by your side *forever..
*you make "forever" happen

it was like as if its all arranged..
and i so believe that it is..
you are one of the biggest miracle that happens to me..

2009-07-21T17:39:00.002+08:00

today is a tuesday...
i'm suppose to be running my ass off around the school..
but i'm now sitting here doing my work..
so wierd...
sometimes it feels so good fall sick..
apart from that major head breaking apart thing..
i felt so good sleeping from 1145 yesterday till 1pm..
den after the doctor.. i slept from 230pm till 5.30pm..
and now.. i need to get my work done..
i shall be a good girl..
so tt i can train with my whole heart tml..

2009-07-12T14:40:00.002+08:00

I've been so busy..
so so so busy that i'm missing out in my own life..
it has been work and training for almost the entire week..
competition is in 6 weeks time..
so is my submission.. its in 6 weeks time too..

i seriously can't imagine..
what i can do after i grad..
interior designer???
that seems to be a joke for me..
maybe i'm joking with myself for these years..
but to think back..
if i've never been in this course or in sp..
i will never meet those people..
who had make me a big girl..
even meeting that silly boy..

right now.. i need to get back to work..
i think this will take forever to finish..

2009-07-05T18:21:00.006+08:00

I had a wonderful weekend..
Pool slots were canceled..
and dear dear ended school in the morning..
while me..
i had no plan schedule..
so we decided to go on a date..
this is one of the most wonderful date that i have..

Our date place was at a zoo..
Despite the weather being scotching..
but we had a great time

I like him when he behaves like a small boy..
the way he looked at those animals..
the way he will sha jiao to me..
sometimes some random dace like the msn rabbit..
I like him when he makes the man decision (so that we won't get stuck telling each other "anything")

i think I'm so obsess in him..
because i will want to have him by my side everyday..
i want to go where ever he goes..
just like how super glue works..
and the moment when he is not in my sight..
i feel so..
like that there's something missing (just like now)
i miss him..

if only life was just about cuddling him..
its never enough of him..

On the Saturday...
I had training in the morning..
I was damn sad when Joanne can't make it..
At least I thought she will be able to make it to watch the NDP rehersal with me and Yanli..
Its okay..
We shall plan another outting:))
hope she is now better from her diarrhea.
So yes..
Yanli invited me and dear dear to the NDP rehersal..
together with her mummy, brother, aunty and cousin..
It was awesome..
the fire works
the performance..
everything was great..
we had fun:))
All in all..
its always nice to have Yanli and Joanne by my side..
so i want to have another outting..
Because Joanne wasn't there..

And now..
I have to take away my holiday mood..
and get back to reality..
"reality is cruel"
Work is toturing me pls...
I can't wait for another weekend..

2009-07-01T23:31:00.003+08:00

I finally found flea market..
Its at Pasar lane..
Chris told me that its at sungei road..

i went with dear dear...
and i went crazy looking right thing...
i saw video recorder..
type write,
cameras,
many many things else..
and i came to a final decision..

i bought this freaking piece of shit..
spoil tape recorder with a radio at freaking 5 bucks..

why is it that i have to spend money on my academy when my dad has already pay for it?

2009-07-01T08:07:00.002+08:00

school has started since monday..
and i have yet to do anything...
I'm still having the holiday mood...
i still feel like sleeping more than 12 hrs per day..

And now i'm in class..
bitting tt stupid irritating thermometer...

And i see what i am going to do later...
FACEBOOK~
hahahahahahaha!!!

2009-06-28T16:39:00.003+08:00

I'm having "before school reopen-phobia"
I had dream of me being late (in my secondary school)
but i was never late then..
wierd dream..

To think about school tml..
i didn't want to wake up..
i want to have plenty plenty plenty of sleep before all the nightmare starts chasing me..
i've just checked...
i've got 8 weeks of hell..

I didn't feel like i had holidays..
i spend most of my time in school..
training half of my life away (this reminds me tt joanne trained her whole life away)

i wanna a holiday spend with dear dear..
i wanna a holiday with my girls..
i wanna have holiday by a beach..
i wanna another trip of korea/taiwan during the winter with many of my friends...
I WANT TO PLAY MY ASS OFF..

I have 9845649058647587927576735284 ge bu yuan yi to go back to school for another project..
but since i have to face it..
i wanna do my best...
this term is crucial...
or rather..
this year is crucial..

Its gonna be a yr that i'm aiming to pull my grades to 2 and above..
2 and above????
sound easy for you??? but never for me...
moreover during this term,
there will be hell lots of training..
i suppose..
cause IVP is going to fall during this period of time..
and i bet hanong is so going to kill all of us...
we have got lots to improve..
and tts why we are going to die too..
But whatever it is..
I'm aiming to train well..
and do well in my projects..

Come on pat..
you can do it!
Go Espada!!!

2009-06-27T21:23:00.002+08:00

I feel fat.
dear dear feed me with seaweeds which i think i ate more than 30 packets..
one calbee potato chips,
dinner...
2 choco mini mint..
a few cups of soft drink share with dear dear..
and later.. i've got ice cream..
oh my...

i so need to run...

2009-06-26T22:08:00.002+08:00

I'm taking things for granted..

2009-06-25T18:11:00.002+08:00

pass few days were training days..
and i come to realise that..
the girls' body are very chui now..
not weak..
but dying..
cause i know lisa's knees are going to die..
joanne's wrist is dying..
ruiyi's wrist and back create funny noises when she do pumping and pull up..
and my wrist is starting to hurt.. the sharp pain kind..
i think we can hug each other and die together..
probably you will find the girls in pieces after all these competition...
but whatever it is..
I WANT TO WIN SOMETHING (it feels sick when you almost get something)

2009-06-23T01:46:00.000+08:00

No more :))

2009-06-18T13:03:00.003+08:00

i think i know exactly of how it feels..
of not wanting to go out to meet new people and deal with anyone..
i know you just want to sit at one corner of your room..
*stare* like you just looking into the space..
but you are actually having flash back of all the things that had happen.

it all take time..
the 3 of us shall go out one of these day..
shall we?((:

2009-06-06T22:03:00.003+08:00

it feels so different..

Its heart pain to see you cry..
I felt that theres nothing i can do to make you feel any better...
What i could do was just to wipe off those tears,
hug you, to make you feel that little bit better..

I just wanna see you smile..
*hugsss*
so pls smile...

2009-05-29T23:55:00.002+08:00

At the end of the day,
when you manage to stand and walk through these again,
you will know that not only will i be proud of you..
and that they will be back together again knowing that you have done a great job.
Be a brave boy.
do this for yourself and for them..
and when time comes...
you will have no regrets..
i believe that you are able to do this..
believe in yourself too, okay?

------------------------------------------------------
After today
I'm smiling..
not literally on my face..
but deep down..
i am...
Maybe it was a misunderstanding...
anger and disappointment..

And maybe even after what we had talk about...
and things wouldn't change much,
but still,
i need to say that,
you two are the most wonderful and amazing team mates that i ever have..
and this will never change..

And joanne,
even if we are down with 2 person,
i believe we can do it...
maybe most of the time i may not be there...
because of my studies and my family stuff..
but, i want you to know that i'm always here..
i may not be smart enough to give efficient suggestion to lesser your load..
but.. i will try to make my stupid suggestions into a useful one..
we will do it..
and we can do this...
hang in there..

i love the people whom talking to right now..
*hugs*
Hello you 3 people tt i'm talking to..
hang in there.
we will get there in no time..
let's step out of this circle
and stop trapping ourselves in here...
get out of this circle,
there is a bigger circle out of this..
wanna explore it?
come, follow me!

2009-05-23T23:11:00.002+08:00

dear dear,
i know u are like numb to everything tt is happening to you..
but u must not give up okay???
you will recover soon..
like real soon...
cause i ish also wanna see my dear dear shoon!
*nua nua nua nua* :D:D:D:D:D
many many many many!!!!!
Get well shoon!!!

2009-05-21T23:19:00.002+08:00

He is back safely after one month..
He is still the same,
not too fat, not so skinny..
but with tt big round tummy..
:))
Hopefully i will not pass him my flu..
:))

2009-05-20T21:49:00.002+08:00

I feel like a bim..
its a feeling of me not having brain to think enough..
or its tt my mouth doesn't tele with what i think...
how much i would wish tt i can slit open these small eyes to see better...
For this,
i will learn..
I'll always try..

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

For times,
i think i tried..
not sure if its hard enough..
but i dun think it works..
Maybe it wasn't meant to be..
so why??
I've tried...
and the outcome of tt is still the same..
So, i assume its meant to be.
SO BE IT..
WHO CARES:D

2009-05-10T12:59:00.002+08:00

I wish life to be better by having no work to do..
i can't wait for these to finish..
but, i just dun feel the urge to do it yet..
though i need to get this done BY TONIGHT.
oh well..

2009-05-06T21:44:00.002+08:00

I told Dear Dear that I'm missing someone..
I don't why i am feeling this way..
okay..
its no longer that issue..
but maybe now i know the reason why
I'm feeling this way
jealous.
Yes jealous..
maybe its really so sour that it has caused me to feel THIS WAY..

but never mind..
i'm sure, i will get over it too..

*dear dear, u won't be angry right?
cause u should know who i am talking about..

2009-05-03T01:17:00.002+08:00

People are making used of each other to gain ingredient..
adding people for the sake of adding.
apparently,
thats what im doing..
:)
i learnt..

Anyway..
I'm much better..
way better than before..
i'm glad..
but i think i'm still affected..
its just tt minor now..
cause i think i doesn't seems to give any big fuck about it anymore..

you might be pitying others..
but have you thought of the one nearest to you?
show a little more concern...
maybe i agreed to that conclusion..
but not to that reason that you were being told..
its just something else that makes my conclusion the same as his, i suppose..
probably i'm that one bitch that we were talking about..
but i think i wanna be tt way..
because i hate being truthful..
true don't hurt..
but it once makes my world collapsed..
i'm never going to create another similar history

Because it once collapsed..
and i found no one..
but now that i found you..
and i feel that u are the only person that i can depend on..
so i unintentionally decided to make your world similar to mine..
I'm sorry..
But i din mean it..

Maybe i should make a world of my own..
where there's just me..

2009-04-29T20:58:00.002+08:00

I've been possesed by the brainiac..
He is taking over me..
I don't remember things that i've done..
it can be a second ago..
and then i will be questioning myself if i've did it..
he is erasing my memory...
I will be looking for vessal of Zod soon..
and i will be the connection to the doomday..

hahahahahahaha!!!!

okok.. if dear dear is reading..
he will think that i'm mad...
hahahhaha!! cause i watch too much Smallville..
okay.. fine...
but i'm serious..
my brain is not right..
its not remembering things..
becuase..
i couldn't remember if i'd flush the toilet after beraking..
----------------------------------------------------------------
i was so excited over friday..
but guess wad..
i'm not now..

never mind...
i shall go home and do my work..
----------------------------------------------------------------
I've been a bumble bee..
or maybe should i say, i've always been a bumble bee..
i got no time for what i want to do..
i think i should hide away from the world for just a day.. or maybe a few days..

2009-04-26T01:03:00.006+08:00

THE DAY AT MUSEUM

Thank you for accompanying me there:))
I had fun, though its a school work:D
MANY MANY MANY MANY!!:)))))

2009-04-23T23:54:00.000+08:00

I need time to pause..

2009-04-21T21:37:00.002+08:00

I'm seeing an endless pitch black hole..
I'm diving...

2009-04-21T11:04:00.003+08:00

I'm leading a busy life..
I have no idea what i have been doing..
but I just always feel busy..
There's so many thing that i've yet to do..

Busy life lead me to no where..
sometimes i just wonder why am i doing what i'm doing..
is that all life is all about??
But i'll keep going..

I'm an adult..

2009-04-19T23:35:00.007+08:00

I saw a group of people whom i can categorise them..
which makes me think of this..

We are meant for each other, because we have a similar level of retardedness.. we act like its the century of idiocracy.. and we both know that we can't survuve without each other :)))))

We are this long because from the day when i first met her, i knew we will be together for life(this special feeling inside that i can never explain clearly)

We always together for class as we know we are never fren with grasshopper.. and we all go through the same shit.. :))

We are together because we are working towards a same goal and we share the same passion.. i suppose..

2009-04-14T16:20:00.003+08:00

It was about my everyday
that everyday were sweet and warm..
that everyday are nightmare..
If it were never how it were,
it is never how it is..

Up and down,
went my roller coaster..
after a tunnel,
goes my monorail..

Up there,
moving slow,
breeze agaisnt my face,
I saw the map that I'd drawn
Its like a ball of entangled thread..
It went too fast,
and that it ended up with an unsolved maze..
making it goes round and round..

Back track,
it caught these wheels in..
making slow to stuck..

Abandon and walk out on these unsolved maze..
I've learnt to plan for my map..

I had a paper and a pen..
That's all..

2009-04-07T09:41:00.004+08:00

Thank you Deardear! :))

2009-04-06T17:54:00.001+08:00

I'm selfish..
Can I have this world to myself?

2009-04-06T09:46:00.001+08:00

Maybe..
sometimes..
i wish i was never here..

maybe..
sometimes..
i hate the way it is..

I'm different..
different in a way..

2009-04-03T16:35:00.001+08:00

My fire is about to be put out..
can someone just knock some sense into me..
or give me a good kick right at my ass
and tell me..
PAT!!! STOP FALLING ASLEEP!!!

2009-04-02T16:22:00.002+08:00

i think my window media player has a connection of my mood..
or maybe its alive..
it plays the music automatically that i eye for the next..
either that,
it will play music along my mood..

I think I'm right..
that..
ya..
maybe..
I think i should treat it like any other normal ...

Come on..
give me a smile..
:||

2009-03-29T22:24:00.002+08:00

I'm so tired..
I'm so busy..
I'm trying to balance everything..

2009-03-27T13:39:00.002+08:00

It wasn't like this..
Never in my life..
but now..
it is..

maybe it did
but it was never as clear as what it is now.

I'm kind of accepting it..
because I think I'm left with no choice..
I swear,
if I could,
I will..
how much I want to be..
maybe, till now..
I just can't lift it up..

For the real one..
its only around him..

2009-03-26T23:14:00.002+08:00

I think he felt how I feel..
he spoke softly to me for a moment..
I know I shouldn't have done it..
I'm sorry..
I didn't mean it..
But I was upset..
Because no matter what I do,
how good I try to be..
I feel like as if my presence wasn't meant to be fit in here..
Not only do I feel being outcast in the outside world..
but in here too..

she said it..
I know she meant it..
Because action speaks louder than word..
all these yrs, I saw those actions..
I confessed..
and she told me the truth..
it hurts so much..

I know he knows..
I know he tried making it up..
but things that are done can't be undone..
and words that were out can't be taken back..

This is how I get hurt...
permanently hurt.

I tried looking ways to mend these cracks..
but everytime I try,
it seems like I'm digging into them..
I somehow decided to stop..
Because,
I know if I continue..
one fine day I may end up heartless..

I'll save myself
I'll try..

2009-03-26T15:21:00.002+08:00

I wonder how that day will be like..
but i quite sure,
it wouldn't be one of those good days..
well..
thats how it is going to be..

2009-03-26T11:58:00.000+08:00

Sometimes i just wonder if i've been appreciated..

2009-03-26T10:27:00.002+08:00

Yesterday my shoulder hurts..
Today, it is making some funny sound..

2009-03-25T15:40:00.001+08:00

Be it hiding,
be it revealed,
it will just be the same,
same definition.